i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
