i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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