U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
birth control should be required to get into college
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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