what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
