those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
