my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize