Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize