We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
