to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm like, not good at living.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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