So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
