my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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