i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
