you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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