So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
