used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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