Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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