You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
