Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
