my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
