i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
