I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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