at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
