god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
