My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize
