You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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