:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize