Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
