so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
