your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
