I hate all girls vehemently.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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