break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
