I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
