party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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