Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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