"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
