My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
