Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize