It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
