What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
