I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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