Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
