Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
