ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
