erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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