I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
