just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
