South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
