I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
two words...techno handjob
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
