remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
