Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
A bitchslap is in order.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
