Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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