mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
