I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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