I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
