The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
