he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
