drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
