addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
