new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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