Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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