About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
