someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
